2001-12-17 - 4:28 p.m.

The dreams intensify..

The first half was a haze of abstract, nonsensical, (possibly) meaningful events.

I wound up in a grocery store.. (how surprising) A few Scenestars were transfixed by a video game display. I used to obsess over video games... I suppose I've learned to distract myself by other means.

Anyways, I moved toward the back of the store. There stood Shaun, Alison, and random Grocery Shoppers. We came to the conclusion that we needed to travel deep into the desert to "find ourselves" (How Muad'dib/Christlike). The first thing I thought of was how painful it would be to die of dehydration. So, I made sure we stocked up on water.

Buying water at a convenience store... suspicious glances are shot at me; I think they suspect that I'm stoned (usually the precursor to a convenience store visit in waking reality), and somehow that tarnishes my status as thoughtful consumer. Vaguely amusing... we take off with the water.

For some reason we decide to act individually (there is a deeper reason for this, but it is too muddled/incoherent to make sense of). Shaun goes first. I waited (months/years?) before following him. He left no visible trail (in a reg desert landscape, it's all rocks anyway) so I had to follow his scent. I somehow figured that he was predestined to find the path to truth, and I had to follow that path. I tracked him for a while, like a true Fremen, and began to pick up on some visible trails he left behind. Then, I stumble upon a slew of parasitic worms.

They were leaving behind trails of blood... Some were benign but others could kill me. I attempted to think as Shaun would, and reason how he would react to this Worm Diversion. I noticed there were shadows or residual radiation on the sand, representing evils or demons. Shaun had encountered them, or they had come from within. Suddenly, I was transported into a catacombs. Every room I entered had macabre, demonic, bloody and mutilated imagery... the intensity grew with each new room. A demon or spirit guide or etc. told me, "There is something you've yet to see." I knew it was the culmination of the Evil, that what I was supposed to see would be so demented and inhuman it would eternally corrupt me. I realized this was similar to the Emperor's attempt to seduce Luke. But wait - I know how to use the Force, you fuck!

I (metaphorically) told the demon to fuck off. He wouldn't comply - now he was going to use force. They really thought they could overpower me. Hah! Like Crowley said, "Satan, and the Black Triad is too inferior to understand Kaballah." I attempted to bend space or do some nifty quantum trick, but knew it was just masturbation. So I materialized a portal and was transported back to the grocery store...

Alison had yet to leave. Either before I left, or when I returned to the grocery store (temporal structure had no bearing) she held me and that was reassuring.

All is laid out..... it's all molecules. Why can't we manipulate what we're constructed of?